Meltdown

Feeling a little bit out of the loop with the acting thing. I am currently trying to prepare four different projects, none of which have asked to see me. I am on an uphill battle of convincing someone that I am right for some job. It is quite depressing. After all the years of work and rehearsal you would think I would be in a better position. Unfortunately I am still hustling for every opportunity. Nevertheless, I have determination! I shall persist!

Just as I was writing that, Zara called me. She asked me if I was OK. She said that she thought that I hadn't seemed like myself the last few days. Immediately tears welled in my eyes and I choked up. It took about 30 seconds for me to answer her.
"I just feel like its so hard," I said, as I started to cry.
That was about all I could muster for the next minute as the tears tumbled down. Zara launched ahead with enthusiastic stories about my greatness. She said everything one needs to hear in such moments. I was so shocked that I had broken down into tears. I had felt OK a moment before but I obviously had a lot weighing on my mind. I needed to lift it from me so that I could again feel the joy of working on the scripts I have. Zara reminded me about the joy we need to feel when we prepare but I was telling her that I couldn't feel the joy, only the stress. I knew it was my mind taking over but the circumstances did not look good. Zara had had two auditions for projects that I really wanted to get in on and I told her that this had upset me. She understood and reminded me to fight and reminded me of all the things I had achieved in my career. I was still emotional but I felt a lot better and ready to tackle things. Langford then came in and told me to talk quietly because his mum was trying to sleep. I thought his mum had been downstairs the whole time which is why I had closed the window to keep the sound down and was now sweating in the heat. I am still hot. I should probably open the window.

Today I read a script, went for two walks, cooked a great lunch of pasta bolognaise, learned lines for an additional scene and continued working on the other scene and had a mini-breakdown. Proper rating? 1 star.