A Good Audition

Yesterday I read for a recurring guest star role on a new TV show. It seemed to go really well. When I arrived there was a sign saying that they would only be reading 2 of the 3 scenes we were asked to prepare. Great. They often do that and it can be really annoying if you worked hard on all of them! The other girl I walked in with was relieved because she had hardly learned them as she had been out to dinner the night before with a good friend. I was ready to do them all and had missed out on going to dinner with my really good friends in order to work on the scene! Luckily, once I read the first scene, the casting director asked me to do all three. Good sign! She is a wonderful casting director and it is such a pleasure to do auditions with people who are really courteous and genuine in the room. As I walked out of the room, I felt happy and that I had delivered a good audition. Is it what they are looking for? Who knows. By the time I got to my car, the other girl was walking out already so she must have been in and out very quickly- but that doesn't mean anything! She could still get the job! However, I am sure that it is I who has the job. OK, to be honest I have no further news BUT I am being positive. I am reading a very interesting book called 'The Wisdom of Florence Scovel Shinn'. She is a metaphysician from the 1930's who wrote about the power of the spoken word and the energetic vibrations we give off that create our present and our future.
The best book is the first one she wrote, 'The Game of Life and How to Play It'. One of my favourite pages simply says:
Nothing is too good to be true
Nothing is too wonderful to happen
Nothing is too good to last
This is very much in line with 'The Course in Miracles', but I can feel Langford getting squeamish as he reads this. He could find 50 reasons to disbelieve the above statements. What is it about my personality that draws me so strongly to these statements? It is because I am a believer. A dreamer. If I wasn't, I would never have got to LA, I would never have been in any movies or TV shows and I wouldn't have been on stage. I am incredibly grateful for those experiences and I dream of more to come! There is no point in thinking about facts because 'facts' invariably lead you to 'safe' choices and 'safe' choices do not lead to great things. I wonder if it is safe choices that lead you to become a proper person? My father always asks me when I am going to become a proper person and I still don't have the answer. Surely it will be when I 'play' one on an upcoming TV show!

Proper Vampires

I auditioned for 'Twilight' last week. For me, it was a highlight. I have always wanted to play a blood sucking Vampire, ever since I came across Anne Rice's fabulous 'Interview with a Vampire'. When I was 17 ( which was a long time ago ) I wrote and acted in a dramatic piece about being a 400 year old Vampire. I was obsessed and remember describing in detail the first 'kill' I made as a Vampire. It was thrilling. I think the other girls in my school thought it was strange. It certainly wasn't as cool or as chic to be into Vampires as it is right now. There are so many TV series and movies about the immortal blood suckers that it really makes you wonder what is behind our obsession with it. I guess it could be the sexual metaphor of sucking blood but I think it may have more to do with our youth obsession and the ability to live on in perfection forever. By perfection, I mean forever wrinkle free but existing without a soul. I guess that makes it clear. It should be obvious - right? Surely a soul is worth more than a wrinkle? Certainly in LA, it is easy to flip into the notion that it would be better to look good at any cost. Just last night I had a dream about putting Restylane in my face. In the dream the procedure worked well but I am still not sure if I would want to inject myself with these chemicals. OK, if I could be sure I would look really good and there was no possibility that anything could go wrong then I would do it. When I think of that, Russell Crowe's voice echoes in my head. The one piece of advice he gave me, with utmost Russell Crowe intensity, was "Don't F%ck with your face!" I promised him I would not. Do proper people do such things? I wonder. I am not really sure, but I suspect that they might do it, just a little bit. Who knows? Most older actresses do, but are they proper people? Maybe I don't want to be a proper person after all, maybe I just want to be a Vampire.

During the course of writing this entry, my manager just told me that the 'Twilight' audition will not be going further. Ah well, I guess I am not meant to be a Vampire after all, or at least, not right now. There must be something bigger and better in the pipeline... I shall not waiver. I am determined to be here when it arrives!