Burn Baby Burn...

The past weekend was a flurry of activity.
It wasn't proper, it wasn't pretty.
It was goddamn beautiful, sparkling and charming.
Filled with mischievous actors whose eyes were disarming.
There was Leo Di Caprio and the God of War
Lady Gaga even pranced on the floor
Who would have thought?
Who would have dared?
At the end of the day though-
Who really cared?

So I was at Soho House, again. And yes, the aforementioned celebrities were there. I was most excited to see Leonardo Di Caprio though, because he is such an inspiration as an actor and let's be honest- just soooo beautiful. Though Langford was quick to point out his expanding gut, Zara and I failed to notice. As we fluffed our hair we could only manage to take in his eyes. Ahhh, what mysterious, soulful eyes he has... Anyway, unfortunately we didn't get to meet him, though seeing him walk by was a sufficient experience to excite the senses and lent a heady feeling to the evening. We met with one of Zara's previous co-stars for a drink and he happened to be hanging out with The God of War. We also know him. It was a funny evening that ended up with us going to a frat party in the Hollywood Hills. Why we were there, I do not know. Upon arrival, we quickly planned our escape. We manage to exit unscathed at get to bed by 2am.

The day had been wonderful. It had started with me awaking at Zara's house. Lola* was leaving to keep shooting her movie and the night before had been a type of going away affair. It involved a little wine and lasted late into the night. We had eaten at a restaurant, 'The Palihouse', that a friend of mine works at and we all had a deliciously fun evening. We sat, as a bunch of actors do, and discussed who would play us in the movie of our lives. It was really pretty pretentious and ridiculous- but we loved it. What can I say?

The Saturday morning I had to get up and leave early as Langford and I had a brunch to attend. We showed up to a beautiful house and were offered mimosas. How could we resist? The table was mostly filled with writers and the conversation was lively and entertaining but Langford was the most entertaining one there, closely followed by our host who exhibited copious amounts of New York, Woody Allen style humor. The banter between he and his wife was golden. When we finally left, we managed to fit in an hour at Zara's pool and I felt completely happy and fulfilled. I could barely contain my joy at being alive! How things change, for yesterday I could not find my joy at all! Perhaps I had used all of it up on Saturday because it was simply too exciting! I don't understand how moods can change so dramatically. I wonder if proper people feel this way? I imagine their moods to be more solid and steady. Sometimes it feels nice to be sad though, to feel something strongly. It makes you know you are alive and it can be an excellent place to create from.

I just got off the phone from Zara and she got an acting job! A guest star role in a hot new show. I am so happy for her. She really deserves it. All of my friends are on fire right now. That means the flame is burning close, so surely a little light will shine on me too.

A Good Audition

Yesterday I read for a recurring guest star role on a new TV show. It seemed to go really well. When I arrived there was a sign saying that they would only be reading 2 of the 3 scenes we were asked to prepare. Great. They often do that and it can be really annoying if you worked hard on all of them! The other girl I walked in with was relieved because she had hardly learned them as she had been out to dinner the night before with a good friend. I was ready to do them all and had missed out on going to dinner with my really good friends in order to work on the scene! Luckily, once I read the first scene, the casting director asked me to do all three. Good sign! She is a wonderful casting director and it is such a pleasure to do auditions with people who are really courteous and genuine in the room. As I walked out of the room, I felt happy and that I had delivered a good audition. Is it what they are looking for? Who knows. By the time I got to my car, the other girl was walking out already so she must have been in and out very quickly- but that doesn't mean anything! She could still get the job! However, I am sure that it is I who has the job. OK, to be honest I have no further news BUT I am being positive. I am reading a very interesting book called 'The Wisdom of Florence Scovel Shinn'. She is a metaphysician from the 1930's who wrote about the power of the spoken word and the energetic vibrations we give off that create our present and our future.
The best book is the first one she wrote, 'The Game of Life and How to Play It'. One of my favourite pages simply says:
Nothing is too good to be true
Nothing is too wonderful to happen
Nothing is too good to last
This is very much in line with 'The Course in Miracles', but I can feel Langford getting squeamish as he reads this. He could find 50 reasons to disbelieve the above statements. What is it about my personality that draws me so strongly to these statements? It is because I am a believer. A dreamer. If I wasn't, I would never have got to LA, I would never have been in any movies or TV shows and I wouldn't have been on stage. I am incredibly grateful for those experiences and I dream of more to come! There is no point in thinking about facts because 'facts' invariably lead you to 'safe' choices and 'safe' choices do not lead to great things. I wonder if it is safe choices that lead you to become a proper person? My father always asks me when I am going to become a proper person and I still don't have the answer. Surely it will be when I 'play' one on an upcoming TV show!

It's a Mystery!

I just ate a lot of lollies. I feel a little guilty. I also haven't run for four days. I was eating so healthfully today! Why did I ruin it? For lunch I had roasted vegetables and then made another batch of my savory muffins. This time I was able to put bacon in them because I did not burn the bacon. This is a major accomplishment. Apart from having one too many jubes, I am feeling pretty peaceful today. My muffins turned out well and I just got a residual check from one of my movies in the mail which puts off getting a job at Starbucks for another two months. YAY! I also have been listening to classical music all day and I have to say it calms your mind and lifts your spirits immeasurably. This morning I went to miracle class but for whatever reason it was only me who showed up. Melina and Melinda couldn't make it. They both had auditions. As you can probably guess, most of the people at miracle class are actors. All actors are looking for a miracle. It always seems like lightning in a bottle when you get a job. It is so precious and strange and never seems to make any sense. I haven't heard back yet from my two auditions on Monday. They were both films though, so they usually take longer to get back to you. I had a nice chat with the healer, Jo* anyway. She is really my friend, so instead of doing miracles, we just had coffee and talked. It was really nice to spend time with Jo, as she is such a bright light and a pleasure to be around.

Yesterday I had a massage. My best friend in LA, Zara*, rang me in the afternoon to tell me she had a masseuse coming over to her house. I got in my car straight away. I desperately needed that massage. My neck was killing me. This was because I had spent an absurd amount of time in an awkward position. On the day of my two big auditions, I was shocked to realise that I only had old, clumpy mascara. In order to separate my gluey eyelashes, I employed a technique I had seen Julia Roberts use in the movie 'Charlie Wilson's War'. That's right, I used a pin to poke through my lashes. It is a very dangerous move and I do not recommend you try this at home. Luckily, I did NOT poke my eye out, I did however throw my neck out because I spent about twenty minutes standing with my head cocked back in order to get the appropriate view of my eyelashes. Isn't that ridiculous? What a waste of time! I find that I fall into some kind of trance when I do make-up. It is actually very therapeutic. Unless the make-up is not going on well. Then it is stressful! Anyway, the masseuse told me that Zara's body was stressed, her boyfriend's was relaxed and mine was the most stressed! I was very sad to hear this. He told me I needed a 2 hour massage! Obviously I was not going to fall for his money making gimmick! I did wonder if he might have a point- especially as he had not recommended that to either Zara or her boyfriend. Hmmm... I guess I have been stressed lately, what with the visa and the 'time- off' I'm having in between jobs. Anyone would think that not working would be relaxing, but that is only if you have worked, know you will be working again and are on vacation. I wish I could feel that certain about my future but it is hard when you can never work out the reason why you don't get an acting job and even more weirdly, you can never work out why you did get a job. It's a mystery!

I am now about to meet a friend for a drink. She is someone I met at a drama school in London when I was 16! That is 15 years ago! I had really liked her back in the day, and remember buying her a 7up to help cure her hangover, only to see her regurgitate it. Now, that's friendship! I had actually found it quite instructive at the time because she was 19 and I was 16 and not yet versed in the peaks and troughs of alcohol abuse. I soon became acutely aware of the peaks when I found that no-one checked ID in London. I also became aware of the troughs when I would wake up to a terrible headache and memories of singing in restaurants to bemused patrons. After the drama summer school, I had lost touch with her. Weirdly, we were re-united 12 years later when we were both working on a film in the US. She now works behind the camera. I shall not drink much tonight as I am on a mission to be a proper person. I think just one bottle of wine should suffice.