Magic growing.

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I'm really struggling with my goal to be a proper person. It just seems like my life is a bit different to other people's. I'm not really sure if they are proper either, but a lot of them do appear to be pretty grown up. You'd think by 30 you would be a grown up. I know. I was thinking that too. Maybe I should have done something to make it happen. Maybe I'm like the person at the florist shop who didn't know you had to buy the packet of 'magic grow' and am now at home, confoundedly staring at my dead lilies. I had (ridiculously) assumed that water was all that was needed!
I thought I was on the right track. I have multiple degrees from prestigious universities, I was a good student, I was outgoing and friendly! What could possibly have gone wrong? Perhaps my parents forgot to tell me something. My sister confided this very same fear to me but a few weeks ago.... so, we must be onto something! Case study of my sister: She has a very interesting career as a lawyer and excelled at school and college. She is loved by all her employers and friends. Everybody likes her. She is really fun to be around and is kind and smart. Conclusion: Her life is so obviously f@#*ed up! She feels like other people might know something that she doesn't know. This is how I feel at auditions. I know a lot of other people feel like this too. Sometimes I wonder if all actors have an orange beam shining out of their heads and my beam is purple. If I knew this to be the case, I could maybe take myself to a mechanic to have my lights changed. Or some sort of chakra clearing person. Is that something proper people do? Oh well, even if I can't work out what it is I'm missing, luckily I know what it is for my sister. In her case, everyone does know something that she doesn't. It's that she's friggin' wonderful.