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Wow! Leaping from one thing to the next makes me feel wonderful. Pilates first thing this morning. The busier I am, the happier I feel.
"Is that just because you are too busy to notice that you're sad?"
"Oh, please! Hang on-maybe you have a point there."
As far as I can see, proper people are definitely busy and happy. Do they stretch their limbs out on archaic medieval like machines in an attempt for longer, leaner muscles at $40 a pop? Of course they do! This is California. If you do Pilates, Yoga, running, gym workouts, personal training, organic eating, swimming, walking and rollerblading you are surely in the running for happiest, most put together, proper person - or at the very least, the star of a tampon commercial. I remember my kid brother suggesting to me that if I wanted to improve my athletic ability, he knew of a thing that advertised horse riding, swimming and windsurfing abilities on every day of the month. Tampax.
My brother's always had helpful advice and interesting comprehension skills. He is the epitome of love and sensitivity, but once sent me a 24th birthday card that read " if you want to make your tits bigger, try rubbing them with toilet paper- it worked for your ass!" I pretended to laugh in front of my boyfriend, but promptly rang my brother to explain that whilst it was 'of course fine' for him to send such a card to me ( I am laid back with insults about my body - yeah, right) he certainly should be wary of giving anything like that to any other girl who did not fit into the 'unconditional love' category. I then did some quick bust increasing exercises. To no avail.
Despite my bust failures, I am committed to exercise. The quest for physical improvement and extreme fitness alone was not enough to satisfy me today - I also dug into my spiritual core. This involved spending a considerable amount of time wandering around a mystic bookstore. If something magical was going to happen, surely this would be the place. I stood and waited, I looked around, I rang a magical gong. Nothing! Then an advert for Tarot readings caught my eye. Perhaps they could predict the date when I would finally become a proper person. That would be helpful. I thought one lady sounded pretty good and encouragingly she was called 'Hope'.
Then Hope arrived. I looked to her for guidance and beaming light. "Here's hope", I said to myself. Mean old bag would have been a better name. She berated the check out girl before querying her lack of customers. She didn't seem very spiritual to me! Or proper. I mean you've got to be at least one or the other. Pressed and dressed with a file under your arms and focus in your eyes, or ragged but floaty and serene. I came to the sad conclusion that there was no magic here so I went and bought myself some organic chocolate from Whole Foods. Mission accomplished.
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