Ok, ok. So little miss smarty pants of yesterday can eat her words. My achievements today consist of running 3 miles, eating copious amounts of food and reading a book. Not quite the list of a proper person. So what? Perhaps today hasn't been a barrage of activities. Is that really so bad? Why do we always feel that we need to have achieved this or that in order to prove the worth of our existence. Do other people really care? Yes. Yes, they do. I know my mother wouldn't approve. She's the kind of person who would come back home at 7am in a state of shock that my day had only just begun. She'd already achieved at least 10 things. My retaliation? I'd quote my dad; "I'm a human being not a human doing!"
The real question is: "are you happy?" Some people would even argue that this is an irrelevant question. They'd say we must be prepared to suffer, to do work we don't like (it is called work after all, not playtime), to forgo our dreams in order to be sensible, proper people. My best coping method for dealing with people like this is the carefully employed 'avoidance technique'.
People don't mind if you follow your dreams - as long as you're successful. I'd like to think I have had some success. I'm an actress. I've been in movies. I've been on TV. Even movies at the cinemas- that's something- isn't it? It's certainly a far cry to my diary entries of 6 years ago where I was always lamenting the loss of of a fast food commercial. I'd write things like " Dear God and the universe- please, please, please let me book this KFC commercial- this will change my acting career! It's the most important thing I would like to ask for right now". Followed by - "Can you believe it??? I didn't get the KFC commercial!!! I feel so depressed right now. Maybe I'm not a good actor. It would have been great to get it." I look back at those and think- oh my god- get out! Get a life! Who cares if you are the lead of a TV commercial for deep fried chickens? What a joke!
At least back then, I lived right by a beautiful beach. I would lie on the beach and look at its crystal, clear water and think to myself how lucky I was to have this- that some people could only dream to live in such a beautiful place. I then concluded that it was no good just lying on a beach, no matter how beautiful, for the rest of my life. I had to do something. I had a mission. I had to become a successful actress. I had to do menial jobs to support myself and the pursuit of my dream. I had to live in a less beautiful location and suffer hundreds of rejections. All for what? So that I could be 'successful' and rich. Then I could buy a massive house, right by the beach and just lie on the beach looking at the crystal, clear water and think to myself how lucky I was to have this, that- hang on a minute- are you having déjà vu?
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