Acting and Kazakhstan.

Langford is in Kazakhstan. I am alone. I would have liked to go to Kazakhstan too but I am still bound to US soil while I wait for my greencard to come through. He is having an adventure and meeting lots of famous people at a film festival where he is a screenwriting finalist. I hope he wins the whole competition! Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I am still pursuing my dream of once again being a working actor. There have been a couple of promising events in the last week that may lead me closer to my goal. My Australian agent has been on fire and has helped organised two great opportunities for me. Last week I spent two days being a reader in the screentest for two male actors contending for the lead role in an Australian feature film. I had a lot of fun as we got to workshop and play with the material and be directed! I'm reminding myself of the dinosaur character in the new TOY STORY movie who keeps saying "Will we get played with??? Oh please play with me!" Actors love to be directed. I spent 2 hours workshopping with each actor. They were both so different and made such different choices each time. I loved seeing the scene shift and flow into different areas. I hope the second guy gets the role because he is slightly older and therefore there is more chance that I would have a shot at the female roles in the script. He is more like a man whereas the other guy is just trying to become one. I got to spend a lot of time chatting to the director, writer and producer and hopefully they will think of me later in the casting process. That was Wednesday and Thursday. On Tuesday I spent the day operating camera for my casting director friends casting session. The main thing I realised from watching all the actresses audition was that they were all pretty good and only one or two of them were really excellent. In my terribly paranoid actor's mind I start thinking that I have done an embarrassing audition and I know that other actor's feel the same, but I see that mostly that is not the case. Only very rarely does an actor really embarrass themselves.

On Friday I had a great meeting with the director and producer of a film set to be done in Australia and written by a friend of mine. The director is a great guy and really funny. We talked about the script and character and now I am doing a screentest tomorrow. There is still a lot of work to be done. There are 11 pages of script to tackle for the screentest and I hope to be able to rehearse with an actor today. It is a wonderful role in a romantic comedy. I ask the universe and the magic of acting to infuse me with light and humour so that I deliver an excellent reading tomorrow! This is a great opportunity for me.

I wish I could talk to Langford. Just calling him yesterday was a huge debacle. The woman at the front desk didn't really speak English and couldn't understand what I was saying. I kept repeating the room number and she just said. "He not there. You call later." Then she hung up on me! I was determined, so of course I called again. Her new response. "The phone in his room not working! You understand! You call another time." I told her that Langford was in the room because he was texting me at that very moment. I don't think she understood but finally I got speak to Langford! He was having a funny time so far, having been invited on an excursion to Kazakhstan's version of 'Chenobyl'. "It's very dangerous and nuclear waste, our version of Chernobyl- would you like to go?" Langford politely declined.

It has stopped raining now so I will go for a little walk. As only proper people do.

The Devil and Auditions. And Cars.

Woke up after having a terrible dream that a successful actor I know tried to buy my car (at my end of lease buy out option) and succeeded. Suddenly I wished I had bought the car and felt a terrible sense of regret. In my mind, this is a clear sign that the universe is telling me that I should purchase my Honda instead of turning it back in to the lease agents. My boyfriend's mother may be more skeptical. She is a born again Christian and was telling me the other day, that you have to be discerning when receiving 'messages' because they could be from God or from the Devil. She also thinks that the only way you could possibly know this is by inviting Jesus into your life. I explained that I felt I had a pretty good sense of whether something was good or evil myself. She re-iterated that I couldn't really know unless I had Jesus there. For example if I saw a ghost (which I have) I think I would be able to tell if it was just a hanging around ghost (good) or a ghost with bad intent (evil). But according to born agains, I have not. I have seen both presences and knew in an instant. Apparently the Devil is very good at 'tricking' though, so following this line of logic, it is quite possible that the Devil created my dream to make buying the car seem like a good idea and that in fact, it would be a terrible idea to buy my car because it could break down any second. The Devil, however, would delight in this outcome because he would have succeeded in f$%king me over. Reasonable? I guess the Devil may have some interest in pursuing this line of activity, just for fun. I am going to stick with my original interpretation though.

Yesterday, I went for a run, got a stitch halfway through and hobbled home. I don't know why I am struggling on my runs right now. I will have create a bootcamp for myself next week, or the week after... or... well, there's a lot going on right now! I had a coffee with a lovely producer friend of mine from Australia and we were interrupted by my friend Tim, who I was meant to help do an audition in the afternoon, but constantly kept changing his mind about whether we should do it a studio or at Steve's house. Seeing actor's in this anxious state is really quite funny. I think my girlfriend found it funny too. I warned him that Steve may have said that he had the lights and camera equipment, but that his kitchen was always very messy and had ants in it and I wouldn't necessarily arrive at the conclusion that the audition would be as professional as at a studio. I asked is Steve had a blue sheet to hang behind, as it looked good on camera. Apparently he could pull the one from his bed. Hmmm, in light of this information, I did suggest the studio option, even though it was much more expensive, but in the end we were at Steve's. Tim was worried when we arrived because Tim hadn't even set up the lights, he did, however have a screwed up blue sheet lying on the floor....hmmmm. Helpful? In the face of this we did eventually get it all done. Steve insisted on filming Tim with a hand held in the first scene and at the end of take 101 (phew!), we sat and watched and discovered, to our horror, that Steve's camera work wasn't quite as still as he would have us believe. We didn't really want to tell Tim because we really didn't want to do it again. Luckily Tim deemed the camera work OK, but of course sat in despair and suffering about his own acting, feeling that it wasn't 'good enough' that there was 'something missing' in his performance.
"Don't cry," I said jokingly.
Suddenly he looked like he really was going to cry. Oh my goodness- actor's are hilarious. Steve and I then went on a tirade of giving compliments until Tim finally felt it was OK and sent it to his agents. MY GOD! I know that I have inflicted this very same pain on many of my acting friends but it is funny to be on the other end. We finished by going out to dinner in Venice and Tim bought us all dinner which was nice. My producer girlfriend from earlier in the day came along too. Tim got the number of a girl at the restaurant and I think that helped him feel good and recover from the anxiety of his audition.

On Friday, I had helped my other friend, Peter, put his audition down on tape and at the end he had decided not to send it because he thought the light was hitting the bag under his left eye too harshly. This is what I'm talking about. I told him that he was nuts, that he looked great, that I certainly hadn't noticed any such bag and that his performance was really good. On Saturday he texted me that he had re-watched it and realised it was actually a pretty well done audition. Yes, these are the men I hang around with and they are not gay. Thank God for Langford! I love these friends but actors are a lot to handle. I am exactly the same though and know I have driven my actor friends nuts saying, 'just one more take', 'do I look OK, do I look GOOD?

Friday night I went out to dinner with Peter and a friend of his who is PA to a major star. She was a really cool girl and thought that every question I asked her was funny. She kept calling me 'interesting'. It was a little weird. Anyway we saw the movie TOY STORY 3 which was great. I cried, I laughed, I felt wholesome. The woman next to Peter asked him if he had brought any kids. "I'm the kid," he responded. I guess we all are.

Today I did an amazing audition for a great project. Yippee. The casting director called me a treasure, a great actress and said I delivered the scene with perfect comic timing and the exact right energy. She was astounded that she had never seen or heard of me before and asked me many questions. Today I was proper person! I ask the universe and the magic of acting to lovingly guide me through my audition tomorrow for it is another project I truly love. Nuff said.

Yesterday I locked myself in Zara and Kingston's study for four hours so that I could read a script and rehearse and prepare my scenes for Monday's fabulous audition. I am very excited to go in and read tomorrow for a lead role in a big comedy. I pray to the universe and to the magic of acting to lovingly guide me through tomorrow's audition so that I do the best audition ever. As I rehearsed and taped myself speaking on my iphone so that I could act with myself, I chomped on a beautiful ham and cheese crepe that Kingston had made for me. When I finally emerged from Zara and Kingston's study, I could smell an amazing chicken curry that was sitting on Zara's dining room table. How could I resist? I sat with them and another couple from the complex and delighted in the fine food. I finally convinced myself to leave but Zara was begging me to stay another night. She offered to blow dry my hair in the morning, tuck me in, feed me more pancakes, read lines with me in the morning AND use some of her Kate Sommerville deep tissue repair cream. I didn't want to tell her that I had already snuck a little bit around my eyes when I was in the bathroom. In the end I did not stay for a second night because I missed Langford too much.

Right now, I feel stuffed to the brim. I also feel angry at the waitress who served me at my friend's going away dinner. She forced me to order way more than I wanted to and now I feel financially and emotionally ripped off. As soon as I sipped my last drop of wine she was right on top of me, asking, no demanding that I have another glass-I didn't even get a chance to think! She also 'highly recommended' the zucchini flowers with shrimp. I got tempted. I swayed. Originally I wasn't even going to have an appetizer! This woman was convincing, I tell you. I, in turn, forced the guy who I was sitting next to share it with me. The appetizer took ages to come out and by that time I had already eaten two pieces of bread (or was it 3?). It was deep fried and not at all like the light batter I had imagined. When I had finally managed to scoff this down, my MASSIVE sheperd's pie arrived. How much does this woman expect me to eat? I ate less than 1/8th of it. I felt very annoyed. How could she have recommended I get an appetizer AS WELL? AND I am a very big eater too. Anyway, the dinner was nice, mainly so I could say goodbye to Alice, a British girl that I met in the supermarket in Santa Monica. I actually sat next to the guy who I did that short film with a few weeks ago. I was sad to say goodbye to Alice, even though I haven't spend much time with her recently. She is a great girl.

This morning I watched Australia get thrashed by Germany in the World Cup at Soho house. It was pretty depressing. The good part was that we watched it at Soho House and that I was the one who organised many people to come and see it. We ate breakfast and drank coffee and champagne as we sobbed. Afterwards we went upstairs to the olive garden and ate some lunch. I had JD, my casting director friend, a bunch of actors and the usual crew. I then left them early to do more work on my script. I got Zara's keys and drove to her house so I could rehearse by myself. When Zara and Kingston finally returned home a couple of hours later, Zara ran straight to the bathroom and threw up. Evidently one to many russian mules.

I am very tired and must now go to sleep on that very full stomach. I am still mad at the waitress. When I asked for a take home box, she suggested they do it for me. I said I'd prefer to put it in myself - who knows what they do to it back in the kitchen? As she walked off to get it, she said, under her breath, "its very hard." Oh, really. How hard can it be to put food into a box, I mean come on! She presented me with a box and I scraped my food into it. Presto. I guess I am a proper person after all. I can scrape food into boxes. Yippee!!

I stayed the night at my dearest friend, Zara's house last night. I have woken up on her incredibly comfy sofa feeling pretty nice. We had a few drinks last night and I didn't think it was a good idea to drive from west Hollywood. Our. Very good friend, Lilly, was back in town. Lilly is an actress who was in a massive blockbuster, had a bit of time where she hasn't been working, but now finds herself jumping back in with a a string of movies about to come out. She is back in town for a costume fitting before she flies off to Russia to shoot. It was really good to see her, but sometimes she seems unaware of the fact that Zara and I are not currently working. She sometimes
tells us that she can't be 'bothered' to do an audition that we have strived to get. Those are moments where Zara and I look each other with deep understanding. Apart from these moments, Lilly is a delight. She is very bright and fun to be around. The three of us and Kingston, enjoyed some wine and cheese before we walked across the road for sushi. We talked quite a lot about Lilly's dramatic life and relationship. She says she has finally realized that she is an 'enabler' to her drug addicted boyfriend. Apparently she has been going to a support group for 'enablers.' I don't know, it seems so hollywood but Lilly seems happy with her new description so let it be.

I woke up early and went for a run. I managed to fit in blow drying my hair and doing
my make-up before making it over to Universal City for my audition. I was auditioning for an Australian character in a TV show. I had already auditioned for it earlier in the year and now they are replacing the girl that they cast. I was disappointed that it was a pre-read. This is when there is no camera in the room. Especially since I had already pre-read on it last round. Weird. I didn't let it annoy me though. I chatted with the casting director. She said I looked so much like my photo.I told her that this may have something to do with the fact that I was wearing the exact same singlet as in the picture. She laughed and then told me that I should wear that singlet to all of my auditions. She also said she loved my dark hair ( remember, I used to be blonde) and that it looked great with my pale skin and blue eyes. We read the scene once and she said she only wanted me to change one line. She liked the rest of it, she said, and just wanted to see it again. So, I did it again. I was hoping that she liked it but I wasn't sure, however we talked for ages and she said I reminded her of Naomi Watts. This seemed to be a good thing, although I was auditioning for a comedic role. I then had a long chatvwith her about her clthes designing career which she did on the side. Even though we made a great connection, I fear it has little to do with whether or not I got the part but I walked out feeling good. I also have two great auditions next week so I am excited. Today we are all of to a producer's house to watch USA v Uk in the world cup soccer. Should be a fun morning. Is it proper? Well, maybe if you don't drink beer before 11am.

Flying out the Window.

I'm at Soho house after watching Brett Easton Ellis talk. I love his books. I loved Less than Zero, it brings up the same existential questions as Albert Camus' 'The Outsider'. My favourite is 'Glamorama' because it is a seemingly superficial satire on the world of celebrity and lulls you into a false sense of security and while you are laughing it pounces on you. Wake up! It is now a conspiracy thriller. Or at least, it seems to be. I get nervous at these open discussions but even I managed to ask him a question. We were given free drinks and snacks as we listened to a handful of cool actresses read from one of his novels. I bumped into casting director at the event and had a great chat with him.

I had an audition for a film about metaphysics today and had spent a lot of time rehearsing with my sister in my mother's hotel room. My mother even tried to direct me. Her key director's note? 'Now make me feel amazing!' No pressure, mother. In the end the audition was OK. Not great, certainly not AMAZING!
I had a delicious breakfast at Huckleberry in Santa Monica. I have been with my mother and sister constantly. I think the proper person is flying out the window and turning into coffee shop actress. Oh dear.

Awards show or family?

Today was meant to be easy and all about Langford. He had an awards show and is being honoured for his script. His mother had flown in from England especially and arrived 5 days beforehand in order to tackle her jet lag. Somehow the day became about trying to work out when my mother and sister were arriving because they had suddenly decided to come to LA and wanted to come to the awards show but both of their flights got delayed and canceled which meant that they were now arriving at the time we were meant to be at the event. Stress. Langford begged to know why my family were always capable of causing drama but I could not reveal the secret that his been handed down, generation to generation, because I do not know it. It is just ingrained in our blood. In the end some strict decisions had to be made. My sister was going to be able to make it just in time, but we could not wait for my mother. So off we went.

The ceremony was great and Langford looked wonderful up on the screen, talking about his screenplay. Actors then performed a reading of a key scene and the audience responded really well, laughing at all the appropriate moments. A top Hollywood writer came up to Langford and told him that he was really talented and by far the best. Aferwards we ate under the stars on the UCLA campus and my sis and I ate a lot. We talked to writers and professors and then we headed home. On the way home we dropped my sister at the hotel and had a cup of hot chocolate with my mother who had just arrived. It all worked out in the end and Langford's mother had a great evening seeing her son up on screen and winning a star award. What a star.

Fantasy Hair

I feel good today, not much to report.
Hopefully I can keep this one short.
I worked all day on a fantasy script
And did my hair for a little bit.
Fantasy costume is very important,
For ladies the hairstyles are really quite dominant.

So, I probably spent a little long on my hair which isn't the most proper thing to do BUT I spent the whole day working on the script and rehearsed the scene a lot. I listened to themed music and made up a back story for my character and I think the results were pretty good. Langford was very helpful and even put it down on tape with me. I think Langford is a pretty good actor. Zara agreed. She had been told by her manager to 'never use' her boyfriend again when putting down an audition on tape. Ahh, poor Kingston. My friend, Sam was very helpful as he is the reader on this project and knows the inside word on what the producers are looking for. He seemed to like what I did. I think I was quite like a proper person today because I did a lot of work and today is Sunday! I also ran 5 km this morning, bumped into my friend Tim on the run and watched the movie 'Elf' starring Will Ferrell which was adorably funny. My mother and sister are arriving tomorrow and Langford has an awards ceremony. Exciting! OK. I know what you're thinking; dressing up as an Elf for a fantasy movie and then watching a comedy about Elves and listening to music all day and doing your hair is, let's face it, not really what a proper person would do. But I think, because it qualifies as 'work' for me, this should be taken into serious consideration when judging whether I am a proper person or not. Thank you.

Meltdown

Feeling a little bit out of the loop with the acting thing. I am currently trying to prepare four different projects, none of which have asked to see me. I am on an uphill battle of convincing someone that I am right for some job. It is quite depressing. After all the years of work and rehearsal you would think I would be in a better position. Unfortunately I am still hustling for every opportunity. Nevertheless, I have determination! I shall persist!

Just as I was writing that, Zara called me. She asked me if I was OK. She said that she thought that I hadn't seemed like myself the last few days. Immediately tears welled in my eyes and I choked up. It took about 30 seconds for me to answer her.
"I just feel like its so hard," I said, as I started to cry.
That was about all I could muster for the next minute as the tears tumbled down. Zara launched ahead with enthusiastic stories about my greatness. She said everything one needs to hear in such moments. I was so shocked that I had broken down into tears. I had felt OK a moment before but I obviously had a lot weighing on my mind. I needed to lift it from me so that I could again feel the joy of working on the scripts I have. Zara reminded me about the joy we need to feel when we prepare but I was telling her that I couldn't feel the joy, only the stress. I knew it was my mind taking over but the circumstances did not look good. Zara had had two auditions for projects that I really wanted to get in on and I told her that this had upset me. She understood and reminded me to fight and reminded me of all the things I had achieved in my career. I was still emotional but I felt a lot better and ready to tackle things. Langford then came in and told me to talk quietly because his mum was trying to sleep. I thought his mum had been downstairs the whole time which is why I had closed the window to keep the sound down and was now sweating in the heat. I am still hot. I should probably open the window.

Today I read a script, went for two walks, cooked a great lunch of pasta bolognaise, learned lines for an additional scene and continued working on the other scene and had a mini-breakdown. Proper rating? 1 star.

Wonderful night.

We arrived at dinner last night at 8.05pm. The start time requested was 8.00pm. We didn't really want to be the first to arrive so we hung in the car for a further 5 minutes and tried to find something cool to sing to on the radio ( as you do ). There was nothing good on the radio, a situation which forced us to enter the house whether we were first or not.

We peered into the open doorway of the amazing square box state of the art house, and saw a long table set with wine glasses. OOOh, quite a lot of people coming it seemed. We hoped that the people would be nice and that our host ( who we really didn't know that well ) was hospitable and kind. We walked into the cool and rather cold house with its views over Hollywood and called out, "hello?" Our host, Jim*, the screenwriter of a movie I was in, greeted us followed by an adorable little giggly person, his 3 year old daughter who clung to his leg for dear life. She was so small and happy and ridiculously cute that even Langford started to feel a little clucky. Perhaps he was really imagining his own life in this oh so cool house, as a successful writer with a maid in the kitchen and the fruit of his loins adoring his every move. The wife was not there. Hopefully he didn't add that part of the story into his wish fulfillment.

Jim poured us a glass of his home-made punch which was really quite strong and the other guests quickly arrived. I was very pleased to see a friend amongst the new arrivals. James* is a successful screenwriter who I had met through another acting friend and been out with on a number occasions with said friend, let's call him Tony*. Once, I had taken Tony to a party and he had insisted on bringing James. To my dismay, when I picked them up, Tony was very drunk and very loud and so I instantly told James that upon arrival at the party I would introduce him (James) as my main friend and Tony as James' friend that I didn't know very well ( instead of the other way round- don't you just love brackets and their clarification use?).

Anyway, back to last night. I was happy for Langford to meet James as he is a great guy and in the same industry. James had brought along his surprisingly delightful Irish girlfriend, Meg*, who is a model turned actress. She had actually been at the same audition as me the day before. We had also both auditioned for 'Sex and the City 2' (which I saw the other night and thought was OK) and I explained to her that the size of the girl's breasts who got the role meant that it was never a possibility for either of us. We got a long very well. There was a slightly older pretty actress there who was lovely and various other people who I didn't get to connect with. There was another writer that I had met before and when we finally sat down, at the very long table with cold slate seating benches, I was between him and Langford. Meg and James sat next to Langford. Jim was nearby. Opposite us were a man and woman I hadn't met. I quickly introduced myself and they said their names. I was a little taken aback by the energy of the woman who had a posh affected air and introduced herself with a disappointed breath, a limp hand and a plummy British accent, "Elizabeth*". Weird. Everyone else had been so open and friendly and I observed her introducing herself to other people to see if she said her name with the same wet fish manner. Yes, she did. So, OK, it wasn't personal she was just stuck-up.

I was then back in conversation with Meg and James and Evan* the writer I was sitting next to. He has a movie about to go into production. When I finally got back to the people opposite me I tried to engage them in conversation.
I said, "so, it's John and Deborah?"
"Elizabeth," she scowled.
"Oh yes, sorry, Elizabeth , so how do you know Jim?"
"Through Evan," answered John.
Evan then stated telling a story about Lindsay Lohan and cocaine and Langford said he'd read about it and Elizabeth said, "oooh, stop, I was there, its soooo gossipy."
OK. Everyone already knows because it was broadcast on every station, but OK.
"So Elizabeth, what brought you to America?" I asked with genuine interest.
"You ask sooo many questions, I can't..."
Oh my God! She was so rude!
"Well, actually, this is the first question I am asking you directly."
She responded by just ignoring me and doing another sour, disappointed breath. Must be hard being her. I was shocked by her response but realised that she must have some major issues and didn't bother myself with it. John then told us that he had met 'lady Elizabeth' through his old apartment complex. Aha, so she is a 'lady', she certainly didn't behave like one, but it explained a little bit of why she thought she was so important. She had an electric cigarette with a fake diamond in the end which she smoked. She had actually designed this particular one and was quite proud of it. Langford asked her a question to which she responded again;
"You ask tooooo many questions."
"I'm sorry Elizabeth but how are you expected to get to know or make conversation without asking questions?" Good call Langford.
"Oh, sorry, long day," she said in her plummy, disdainful way.
Langford got her talking about her cigarettes and then just when she was getting really into it, he said, "Enough with the cigarettes now, I'm bored". HAH! HA! She quickly crawled back into her decaying shell. I know its not nice but this 'lady' was a piece of work.
When she was saying that she had smoked for 15 years, a little piece of me was dying to say "yes, and it shows," but I sent her white light instead, (tick for a proper person) knowing she must be pretty sad to be so rude to everybody.

As soon as she had snivelled out the door, Meg and James were bursting to share with us their stories of her. They had met her a number of times, even driven her home when she was drunk, and she had never remembered them- even ignored them at a party once and once, they had said hi and she turned her back to them leaving her hair dangling in James's drink. They really thought she was a bitch. I have not met such a character in a long time and it was very funny to see a woman like this, in action. As we left, I realised an actress friend who was in a TV show with me, was there but had only come for 20 minutes. We had a quick re-connect as we headed out the door. Langford and I were home by 11.30 and had had a wonderful night.

Thank you, Curell.

I set the alarm for 6.45 but then I lay in Langford's arms until 7.15. Finally I managed to convince myself to go for a run and run I did. I quickly ( in a very long shower ) washed my hair and ran off to miracle class, remembering to grab a muffin on the way. I ate my zucchini muffin in the car and managed to arrive only 5 minutes late. Jo welcomed me with sparkly eyes, as always, and a delicious cup of hot black coffee. I really like the coffee she makes, I confess that it might be nicer than ours ( and we have a state of the art nespresso maker ). Jo's mother was in town and joined the group. We opened with a beautiful meditation, visualising golden light flowing through each of our chakras and clearing our souls. I always feel so happy when I am doing this but my mind is like a 2 year old toddler, constantly interrupting and demanding my attention.
" What about your car?" It says to me. " You can't get an audition for 'The Hobbit'- you must be very bad!"
It constantly interrupts my peace. I respond by imagining my little voice as an angry black witch and lift her on to a boat and sail her out to sea. Unfortunately, she has good projection and her evil voice is still able to reach me sometimes. Imagine having to contend with this in a meditation! Can you believe it? I guess we are all always fighting the voice in our head.

After miracle class I raced home to get ready for a TV commercial audition. I curled my hair and my eyelashes ( every bit counts ) and I put make up on and a 1960's vintage dress. Langford and his mother approved my appearance before I left. The audition was for a moisturiser called 'Curell'. There was only one line of dialogue: " thank you, Curell." Auditionees were then expected to answer impromptu questions about how it feels to have soft skin. This was pretty deep and complex stuff and required preparation. Langford's mother suggested that it feels like you have 'life in your skin' when it is moisturised. I thought that was fantastic. What a great line. I was definitely going to use it. When the casting director asked me what it was like to have soft skin, I acted as though I had just suddenly thought of it-"it feels like I have life in my skin". I was shocked when he didn't stop filming, look up to me and say "wow, great line,". I was, luckily, able to recover from this shock and move quickly on, saying I felt attractive and sexy etc. Then you were supposed to twirl around, jump on the couch and pretend as though you were about to call your girlfriend and gossip. I did all of this with a vengeance, (jumping and twirling are my fortes) and then finished up on the couch stroking my luscious legs when suddenly he looked at me and gave me the nod. I couldn't understand why he was nodding- what was I supposed to do now? Hadn't I fulfilled the requirements? I looked piercingly into his eyes for the answer and suddenly I remembered that I hadn't said the one line. Great. So with a look of sudden realisation, I gazed into the camera and said, 'thank you, Curell." I really don't know if that was the vibe they were going for. I then said that I had forgotten about the line while he was still recording and then he made me say it 2 more times. Can you believe that? And I thought some of the girls in the waiting room didn't look too smart- I can't even remember to say one line! Oh well, even if I am not a proper person, its all pretty funny really. Tonight I am going to dinner at the writer of one of my movies house. I am very curious to see what it will be like and who the other people will be. I will let you know tomorrow.

First.

I was first in the line at the immigration center, this morning. I felt very organised and proud of myself. I then had a nightmare moment when I realised I hadn't brought my social security number with me! Oh no! Would this first place be a waste? I ran to my car and quickly tried to call Langford to see if he could read me my number from my wallet, but of course he was still asleep and wasn't answering his phone. Great. I couldn't even think of anyone else to call who had the number on file. I was getting hot. I took off my jacket. I started to sweat on my upper lip (which is something my body loves to do). Then the guard came to let us in. I waved to Esther ( the girl who was in the line next to me ) to go ahead and take my place but she waited, so I quickly ran back to the guard and confessed my sins.
"You don't need your social security," he said. "You just need your Alien number."
Well, of course I had that weird number. So I was OK. Luckily I was a somewhat proper alien. I then got fingerprinted and they took my photo. I was very annoyed about that because I hadn't planned for the photo and my hair needed a wash, to be honest. I would have put some make-up on, but in the end, I guess it doesn't matter how crap I look on my greencard, as long as I have the greencard. Hopefully I will have it in my little hands soon.

I then had to pick up a birthday parcel from my sister from the post office. Guess who was first in line? Yup! Me. Again. Pretty amazing. I waited while the decrepit old staff opened the office 10 minutes past the opening time and excitedly took home my parcel. My beloved sister had got me a beautiful silk dress. What a treat! It fit me really well. I then went to the bank and then got a coffee from my favourite coffee shop. I, again, bumped into my X at the coffee shop. Had a quick chat which was nice before I rushed home to bake muffins for Langford's mother. She arrived today. I decided to bake half savory and half sweet. Just when I was about to mix in the banana and blueberries, I realised that the oven wasn't working. With increasing frustration and deep despair ( in line with the situation at hand ) I called Langford who was having breakfast with MY friend. I then babbled on about the oven whilst trying to find the pilot light. I then realised that Langford had passed me onto my friend Steve, who had no idea why I was talking about a chopstick with a flame on it. Why does making muffins always seem to cause drama for me? I stuck it through it and made a beautiful batch. Half blueberry and banana and half zucchini and sun-dried tomatoes and cheese.

I had lunch with a girlfriend who was in a TV show with me and we had a great chat. I was telling her that my boyfriend's 'born again Christian' mother was coming into town and she said, "I'm a born again too!" I was surprised to hear this as I had no idea that she was at all. I guess it opened me up to it a little more, as this girl is so 'cool'. I then went home to meet Langford's mum for the first time, swinging by the supermarket to buy salmon and sunflowers. I lit candles in all the rooms and quickly hid my spell books and tarot cards. The time arrived. There she was. The verdict? Langford's mother is a delight. She is so warm and friendly and she really liked my muffins which definitely gives her 100 points. I think we will have a nice time over the next 3 weeks. She then went to sleep as she was jet-lagged and Langford and I went for a walk along the ocean park and then I cooked salmon with kejap manis sauce and roasted asparagus. For desert I made caramelised banana with a little ice cream. I had never made the caramelized bananas before but remember watching my mother do it many times. All of the food was perfection. I am off to rest my head now, happy in the knowledge that as proof of my growing ability to be proper, I was first in the line at immigration and at the post office.*

*Please ignore the fact that I was not first in the line at the bank. This was not a necessary place to be first.

GOOD NEWS DAY

I woke up a little stressed. My mind always jumps ahead of me to catastophise all future events. I was worried about my greencard again. Then, Langford forces me into the moment by demanding my attention. He is very good at not letting me drift away. Langford opened his mailbox to find a rather nice email from a friend of his who has become a friend of mine. Said friend was telling us that he was putting my name forward with good recommendation for a film that he wrote. This was nice news to hear and may have some effect on my chances of getting the part. Next subject to tackle was who, out of Langford and me, had the right to get their car serviced. We had both decided that today was the optimal day, and yet one of us needed to keep our car. Langford argued that I shouldn't have left mine to the last minute and that I should have done it last week when I was 'swanning around at the Thai town markets'. I simply responded by calling Langford a bastard and reminding him that he must be some kind of terrible person. I then said I would 'take my car by myself and catch a cab home!' We then laughed at the ridiculousness of our conversation/argument-as we luckily, always do. Langford won. So we took his car in and then had breakfast at this really cool rustic diner- 'S and W county diner'- in Culver City. I was shocked that the bill for our breakfast was $11.79. That is for 2 breakfasts, my friend. We have obviously been eating at far too expensive restaurants! We must endeavour to hang out at diners more often. Then we did a massive grocery shop to prepare for Langford's mother's arrival. She is coming in tomorrow and staying for 3 weeks! YIKES! I think it is going to be really fun! (N.B. Langford reads this.)
I had a stress about my visa because it affects my US driver's license and (I thought) my insurance. However, I rang my insurance today and it is fine! I am still covered and I don't have to pay any extra! YAY! OOOOOh, the relief. Then, more good news!! I received my finger print appointment for my visa! This means I am very close to getting it! AND I also got a belated birthday present from my fabulous brother- BEAUTIFUL YSL products. How lucky I am today. We are now off to the cinema to see Sex and the City- or rather- I am watching that with Zara and Langford is watching something else!