Proper Vampires

I auditioned for 'Twilight' last week. For me, it was a highlight. I have always wanted to play a blood sucking Vampire, ever since I came across Anne Rice's fabulous 'Interview with a Vampire'. When I was 17 ( which was a long time ago ) I wrote and acted in a dramatic piece about being a 400 year old Vampire. I was obsessed and remember describing in detail the first 'kill' I made as a Vampire. It was thrilling. I think the other girls in my school thought it was strange. It certainly wasn't as cool or as chic to be into Vampires as it is right now. There are so many TV series and movies about the immortal blood suckers that it really makes you wonder what is behind our obsession with it. I guess it could be the sexual metaphor of sucking blood but I think it may have more to do with our youth obsession and the ability to live on in perfection forever. By perfection, I mean forever wrinkle free but existing without a soul. I guess that makes it clear. It should be obvious - right? Surely a soul is worth more than a wrinkle? Certainly in LA, it is easy to flip into the notion that it would be better to look good at any cost. Just last night I had a dream about putting Restylane in my face. In the dream the procedure worked well but I am still not sure if I would want to inject myself with these chemicals. OK, if I could be sure I would look really good and there was no possibility that anything could go wrong then I would do it. When I think of that, Russell Crowe's voice echoes in my head. The one piece of advice he gave me, with utmost Russell Crowe intensity, was "Don't F%ck with your face!" I promised him I would not. Do proper people do such things? I wonder. I am not really sure, but I suspect that they might do it, just a little bit. Who knows? Most older actresses do, but are they proper people? Maybe I don't want to be a proper person after all, maybe I just want to be a Vampire.

During the course of writing this entry, my manager just told me that the 'Twilight' audition will not be going further. Ah well, I guess I am not meant to be a Vampire after all, or at least, not right now. There must be something bigger and better in the pipeline... I shall not waiver. I am determined to be here when it arrives!