Fake Sincerity.

Proper people live in the moment. With all my visa worries lately, it has been hard. Everytime I'm enjoying myself, my little brain interrupts me with harsh words.
"Ooooo, don't focus on this happy moment- you have things to worry about! You need to get your visa! Where is it? No-one even knows!! Hahhahh!"
I then say to my evil brain, "SHUT UP! The visa will come through. Focus on this moment."
My brain often tries to freak me out further, determined to destroy my peace. It might say;
"Why are you even getting a visa if you don't have an acting job? So you can work at Starbucks? May as well do that back home in Australia!!"
Then I cry. I'm kidding. I don't cry. I just say;
"Please don't say that!"
Its hard being me sometimes. I know I'm stuck with myself and sometimes I really enjoy my company, but other times I'm a nightmare. I feel like one of the characters in Jean Paul Sartre's No Exit, stuck with my own personality FOREVER. Langford just told me I was annoying too, so there you go. No matter, I know I can also be wonderful....sometimes.

Some good news today-it seems that immigration have located my file and they are finally processing it. Hooray! This makes me feel a lot better. I now know that someone is, at least, paying attention to my case. Before this news, the situation was very depressing. No-one could locate news of my visa file. I started to feel like US immigration represented God and the Universe and that God's file on ME had disappeared into the ether-no wonder I wasn't booking any acting jobs- the universe had forgotten about me! Thank God the universe is looking through my stuff again, I'm sure the universe will find me the perfect acting job soon AND give me my visa. I know that all this talk about God and the universe does not sound 'proper'. It sounds a bit hocus pocus new-agey. Maybe I will have to change my entire belief system to become a proper person! That sounds like a lot of work. I will tackle that subject later. Maybe.

My mother left town today. She was here for 24 hours. She is very busy and doesn't have much time to hang around in LA. She is the busiest person without a job that you will ever meet. I loved having her for one day. Even though she drives me insane! All mothers have this wonderful ability. I think I may have mentioned it before. Last night, I decided to show my mother all of the auditions that I have on my computer. Sometimes, you get a copy of your audition OR have one because you had to put it down on camera yourself. I showed my mum the ones which I thought were the best. She watched intently and then said;
"Did you have any make-up on in this audition?"
"Yes! I have foundation, mascara and blush and lipgloss!"
"I mean eyeliner- do you have any eyeliner on? You need to emphasize your best feature. And your hair looks terrible. When are you going back to blonde?"
The only logical response to this, is the one I gave.
"ARGGGHHHHHHHHH- you are the most annoying person in the world! I didn't miss out on the part because I didn't have enough eyeliner on!"
I then showed her all the more glamorous auditions and pointed out that the more played down I was, the closer I had gotten to a role. I then showed her one where she thought that I looked good but my acting was off.
"You were too earnest and your neck was straining," she helpfully said.
Great. I know she is trying to be helpful but it is hard to take on these kinds of criticisms. I do love my mum and of course her opinion means a lot. Maybe she is right. Next audition, more eyeliner and fake sincerity! As George Burns said:
"The secret of acting is sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it made."