The Wheel of Fortune.

People in LA, by and large, I'm pretty sure, are not proper people. For a start, a lot of them don't have proper noses, proper lips or even proper teeth! With the increase in plastic surgery in LA, men and women with ridiculously beaming white smiles and taught faces are more common than Starbucks. Personality-wise, they can also be a little odd.

Take El Matador Beach, for example. Yesterday, my love and I drove out to Malibu. We took a walk along the picturesque Malibu beach and walked by a colorful array of photo shoots. It was like being in some sort of fantasy movie, although the type of fantasy movie ranged from General to 'R' rated. Pocahontas sat on a rock at sea - her long feather headdress catching the sinking rays of the sun. A purple princess posed on the rock opposite. A bejeweled mermaid-type spun in the wind, her wings of golden silk flying around her. A dizzy photographer tried to capture the moment. Pretty nice so far, right? We walked further down past a (there's no other way to say it) very fat couple, clinging together and teetering on the point of a rock, like a pair of elephants gracefully dancing in the wind. They were closely shadowed by a photographer who looked like she was struggling to get a good photo. We continued walking and saw a photographer directing a topless women in jeans with the fly unzipped and pulled open, fully made up, leaning on a rock beneath a buff, clean shaven topless man. This was beautifully juxtapositioned by a coy bride and groom, commemorating their special day. This was the perfect place for love, of all sorts.

When I got home I was in a good mood. Then, I got frustrated when I spoke to my mother. I didn't start out that way but I quickly noticed my sense of well being flying out the window as my mother tried to give me advice on my career. I know she means well. She really does, and I couldn't be where I am without her. She only wants me to be a proper person and a successful actress. It's not much to ask. And she is doing nothing wrong-it's just that it winds me up! It is so difficult to be told 'a big film is being made'. Right. Great. How should I process this information? Doesn't she she know that I read about films being made every day in the trade papers? Is it fully financed- are they casting yet? Is it cast of Indigenous people? I love my mother so much but every one knows that mothers can press your buttons. Even my mother had her buttons pushed by her mother! It's just the way it works.

It reminds me of the time my grandmother had carefully cut an article from the paper and mailed it to me with an attached letter. She excitedly wrote that she was sending me an advertisement for a job I would be perfect for and that I should immediately apply for it. In actual fact, it was a news article stating that the female host of 'The Wheel of Fortune' was leaving the show. I wondered how I should follow my grandmother's instructions. Write into the newspaper? Contact the TV station? I wanted to explain that the process doesn't really go like that, but didn't have the heart to tell her. She was so pleased that she had found this 'opportunity' for me. Thing is- I never even wanted to be a host in the first place! Don't get me wrong here, I'm all for going outside the boundaries to get acting jobs-I got one of my great roles in a TV show by meeting the director in my local coffee shop and I once crashed an audition in my determination to get my career started. Why was my grandmother so obsessed with me getting on this show? Well, because she watched it every night. Then something happened that left me completely flabbergasted. A few weeks later, I was out to dinner with some friends. My friend Mike mentioned he's seen the new girl on "A Wheel of Fortune" and didn't think she was very good. Suddenly his eyes lit up and he turned to me-" YOU would have been great on that show!" Why did everyone want me to be on "Wheel of Fortune"? It was so weird and I wondered whether Mike should start hanging out with my grandmother- they obviously had a lot in common.

Anyway, I guess I am on The Wheel of Fortune every day. Hopefully the wheels lands in an auspicious position.